Dealing with Critics; or Why Don’t You Just Bite Me

Hey, folks, CLAWS 2 has been chewing up the competition the past few weeks. As with all things digital, this summer’s release has been an experiment in form. The content is pretty much the same: a standard suspense novel written with all the vim and vigor associated with a STACEY COCHRAN novel.

But the form is what’s different. For CLAWS 2, I decided to launch the novel as an eBook-only publication and forego a print edition of the book. Like I said, it’s an experiment!

I’m sure as hell no stranger to experimentation with form. I was the fourth novelist in the world to launch a podcast novel and to date remain one of the most downloaded independent podcast authors in the world.

I battled for Lulu.com back when it was only a URL and the publishing vision of billionaire Bob Young.

So it should be no surprise to anyone who has followed me over the years to see that I’ve taken to the new eBook medium with style and grace (not to mention sexy good looks). Amazon Kindle has leveled the playing field like no other venture in at least a half century. They’ve given the power to the people, and working class authors are making a living writing like they have not since at least the golden days of the pulps in the 1940s and 1950s.

What’s remarkable to me is just how many people are doing well. And just how many others seem eager to jump on the hate-wagon and spew their vitriol. Which leads me to the topic of today’s Jack Handy Online Book Review entry: The Two Types of Soulless Internet Douche Bags.

The Bogus Reviewer

Ah, the Bogus Reviewer. One of my favorite of the internet bullies. Mostly these depraved shitheads take the form of bogus Amazon “Reviewer” accounts that blast out a series of 1-star reviews without ever having purchased or read the books. This is the online book world’s version of a good old fashioned 1930s-style book burning.  These pathetic soulless douche bags clearly enjoy bullying and picking on creative types. They were probably the pricks who blew up fish with firecrackers when they were little and grew up to become hard-drinking, wife-beating, wife-cheating assholes who are so pathetic that now their greatest pleasure is in sitting in front of their computers and trying to bully authors online. Glad you could come to the party.

The Anonymous Blogger

Another form I’ve seen a lot is the “Anonymous” Blogger. These cowardly douche bags who clearly have no soul (or reason to live, it seems) go on people’s blogs and post “comments” under Anonymous handles to stir up shit. They are the shit-stirrers who like to criticize and berate blog proprietors and other visitors to websites. They seem to operate largely on the principle of shame. That is, they disagree with something someone has said or does, and so have taken it upon themselves to “shame” the blog proprietor into their Anonymous vision of what is right.

Lovely. Won’t you please pass the turkey.

The Bottom Line

Here’s the truth. Aspiring writers are a fragile bunch. I’ve met thousands of them over the years. And bullies like to pick on the weakest. That’s how they get their rocks off. I’ve met many a good author who was simply afraid to stick his/her neck out for fear of being shunned or somehow perceived as not being part of the writerly community. Hell, I’ve met a bunch of editors and literary agents who feel the same way. They have the same fears of what their peers will think. See more at: Group dynamics.

Everybody is afraid of not being accepted, of being rejected, of becoming the outcast, the pariah, the (wo)man with no land, no place to belong, no friends. Everybody is afraid of being alone.

Bullies like to isolate. They sniff out blood in the water. They find the younglings in the pack.

It’s not something I talk about a whole lot when I talk to aspiring writers. Mostly we talk about bullshit like how to get a literary agent, how to write query letters, how to “get accepted.”

One of the lessons that may be the hardest and yet most important to learn is not how to get accepted, though. It’s how to stand firm, stand strong, and keep the faith when no one is in your corner. Learn that lesson, my friends, and you’ll be the most powerful force on earth.

You’ll be complete.